Tibet's Culture

Last week, I've came across randomly an article on the internet regarding Tibetan's cultures and realized that I have been reading the whole article, till the end. What making it so interesting is the article on their marriage system/culture. Very interesting!

Source retrieved from www.tibetculture.net.

"When strangers meet, they will ask the family names of each other. If they have the same family name, they cannot joke with each other and cannot intermarry.

In the past, Sherpa people did not intermarry with Tibetans or other ethnic groups. But they could intermarry with Sherpa people with different family names within the Nepalese border, disregarding the restriction of nationality and district. For their marriage, there are some different situations.

1. One is that the boy invites others to go to the girl’s home together to act as matchmakers, carrying wine and offering hada scarves. If all the girl’s family members agree with the marriage, they will invite the matchmakers to stay for dinner, and the couple can marry.

2. The second way is that, when the boy makes an offer of marriage, if the girl’s parents agree with it but the girl does not agree, the boy will “take the bride by force”.

3. The third way is that when the boy and the girl agree with the marriage but the girl’s parents do not agree, the boy will “take” the girl by force and hide her in mountain before begging her parents for their agreement. When he receives their approval, he will lead the bride home. Before marriage, the groom will give betrothal gifts to the bride’s family.

*Conclusion: No matter what and how the girl's family can do, the boy still can get the girl.

Sherpa people also have a marriage form that two brothers share the same wife. The wife has her own room with a double bed. The two brothers have their own rooms, and who will sleep with her is decided by the wife or by the two husbands. If there are four brothers in a family, the No.1 brother and the No.2 have a same wife, and the No.3 and the No.4 will share another wife. This is somewhat different than the old system in the Tibetan and Moinba areas.

*This is usually done to avoid division of property and provide financial security. However, monogamy is more common throughout Tibet.

Among the people with the Sherpa caste among the Sherpa people, there is a form of trial marriage. There is a traditional “Qomolangma Business Passage” from Dingri to Solhu and Kunbo in Nepal. In these latter districts, home to many thousands of people who fled at some time from Tibet, there are still many small wooden buildings for Sherpa people’s trial marriage today.

*Trial = Kahwin cuba-cuba??? Main kahwin-kahwin??? Wow!!!

When a Sherpa girl reaches the age of 14, her parents will allow her to find boy friends of her own free will and assign a room for her. If the family is rich, they will build a wooden building particular for their daughter and let her live there alone. When she chooses a boy friend, she can lead him stealthily to the wooden building to sleep. Even if her parents know, they will not intervene and will ensure that the girl has a good knowledge of sexual behavior.

After living together for a while, if they are satisfied with each other, the boy will consign a matchmaker to send some earthen bowls of rice wine to the girl’s parents signifying that there is a formal engagement. After the engagement, the fiancé can openly live in the wooden building of the girl.

If either party is not satisfied with the other, the boy must leave immediately.

*Does it mean that the boy can try other girls after this? Sleep for one night, the next day make her parents angry and when the parents are not happy the boy can f*** off. Wow! And look for the next victim...

But most boys and girls can move onto the next stage successfully-namely, giving birth to babies. Only after this will the boy and the girl declare that they belong to each other. Then, the boy will make a formal marriage offer to the girl’s parent. After holding a ceremony, they will be confirmed as husband and wife.

According the explanation of Sangzhuma, a Sherpa mother in Solhu and Kunbo who was preparing celebratory food for her daughter’s fiance to make an offer of marriage at her home, it is a simple truth there is no better way for young man and woman to learn and communicate with each other than sleeping in a same bed. Even if they sleep in a same bed, it is hard for them to learn and communicate with each other for a while. Hence the period of trial marriage should be long one until the time when they have a child and when they can endure the trust and test from bearing mutual responsibility.”

by: Liu Zhoqun